i was just reading the blog oddy showed me (ytd the blogger changed blogskin thats why can't read lol.)
and i've to agree with oddy about how annoying, clingy, desperate and irresponsible this girl is.
i do not see how she thinks she will be a responsible parent when her child is born, given that she is so damn immature. hello, how many boyfriends have she changed in the course of two years? god damnit. plus the fact that she smokes in the course of her pregnancy, how responsible. I don't know how she views this, but the fact that... you only know someone for two months, and have gotten yourself pregnant- why are you so proud of it?! sigh. i guess love really renders one blind and irrational- for her to be soooooo excited about having a kid and not even worrying about the fact that she is younger than me, her fiancee and her are not earning steady incomes to provide sufficiently for her kid. NOT even worrying about that at all. i really kind of pity her kid. but we'll never know, she may turn out to be an awesome mum. (which i highly doubt given her childishness and immaturity and emotional instability.) amen to the kid.

Also, what the heck luh, i really do not see the need for her, or anyone generically, to be constantly in love. this merely shows your desperation. please grow some legs and learn to stand up yourself, be independent!!! this is not the renaissance nor victorian period where women are just helpless and powerless without men. -.- you do not need romantic love to survive!! Love comes in too many forms, friendship, familial ties and all- why bind yourself to only one person and be selfish, confining all your affection for him only? it is just too myopic, limiting yourself to your friends' and family's love, and depriving them of your companionship just because you decide to be siamese twins with your bf. -.- i am not saying that i do not believe in love or anything of the sort, but i advocate for a balance for all forms of love, as much as this is not easy and sounds cliche. you do not have to abandon your family and friends just cause you THINK you have already gotten your soulmate for life. he can still leave you when he gets sick of you, when he's had enough of you. but conversely, your family and friends are ALWAYS there for you, assuming ceteris paribus, that you have a loving family and true, loyal friends. yes, so all those lovesick fools clamouring for love out there, please go build a nice rapport with all your friends and family because truly, they are the ones who will offer you emotional support. i just do not think it's wise to neglect your friends when you are attached, and go back to them for help when you get dumped. doesnt put you in a good light yo. Just... be a little more rational. :x

on a sidenote, i am totally not in the exam mode already. paper four is in 8 more days. and i'm getting a little edgy thinking about the results- yes, ALREADY. the tide of euphoria and relief that washed over me after econs paper one on friday has subsided already. oh well. regardless, i'm looking forward to bonding times with the class for third december dinner+movie and alternate prom program and the class chalet next year. (((:
Going to have lecture tomorrow, next week monday tuesday wednesday. o.o (until the day before thursday gosh) my life is just... boring. :x BUT I'M GOING TO REGAIN MY LIFE BACK SOON!!! after A levels end. (the colours are starting to seep back in already! (: )
well, i watched 2012 ytd, awesome effects and all. tomorrow i'll be watching christmas carol with yh oddy and wl! ((: and i'll be having dimsum at redstar on sunday with my parents and sister YAYS! <333

P.S. if anyone has any suggestions on any place you wanna book for prom night, please text me or comment here? and if there are any enquires also ask me okay? (((:

okay i'll zao now. bye!

YAY. i feel so liberated already. (although i know i shouldn't be so relaxed just of yet.)
but well.

You and I- Park Bom (this is a super sweet song.)

i swear, this is a most amazing song. love it like MAD.

Wedding Dress- Taeyang

the more i study literature, the more i see caricatures of pumblechook, mrs joe, camilla, georgiana, sarah pocket etc being manifested in some of my relatives.
Why does it seem so intuitive and instinctive to them to exploit those Joes, Biddys around them?
And why so, that they never seem to repent? I know a bildungsroman is supposedly an "arduously long process", but the period of about 20 years (or more)- isn't it too long?
To add on, they never do seem guilty of their exploitative intents on others, where the bloody hell is your conscience?
Don't give me crap, I'll stuff them right back into your faces. (Or up your ass if you choose to.)

"Nay, guiltiness
Will speak, though tongues were out of use."

woohoo.
this is f-ed up.

so what do you do if the world doesnt wait?

argh argh argh.
i feel like stabbing myself over and over again.
this anxiety is killing me.
need. to. get. brain. filled. up.
f luh. notimenotimenotime.

You're always on display
For everyone to watch and learn from
Don't you know by now? You can't turn back
Because this road is all you'll ever have.

I am currently having heart palpitations, and i've no idea what caused it but here goes:

A palpitation is an abnormal awareness of the beating of the heart, whether it is too slow, too fast, irregular, or at its normal frequency.
The difference between an abnormal awareness and a normal awareness is that the former interrupts other thoughts, whereas the latter is almost always caused by a concentration on the beating of one's heart. Palpitations may be brought on by overexertion, adrenaline, caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, cocaine, amphetamines, and other drugs, disease (such as hyperthyroidism and pheochromocytoma) or as a symptom of panic disorder. More colloquially, it can also refer to a shaking motion. It can also happen in mitral stenosis.
Palpitations alongside other symptoms, including sweating, faintness, chest pain or dizziness, indicate irregular or poor heart function and should be investigated.
Palpitations may also be associated with anxiety and panic attacks, in which case psychological assessment is recommended. This is a common disorder associated with many common medications such as anti-depressants.
Palpitations can also occur from blood loss, excessive pain, or lack of oxygen.

honestly, i havent overexerted myself in any way recently (in the form of exercising)- to the extent that i think my arteries are clogging up. -.-
i didnt drink much coffee today.
i dont feel very panicky. but maybe i am, secretly so.

this palpitation is very very very ANNOYING, cause its like when you're sitting down and this palpitation comes along- it feels like someone whacked you on your chest, but its actually your heart giving you the shock. thats why i couldn't concentrate on doing math today. FML.
and while i'm typing this. that damn thing just keeps happening. grrr.
hope this goes away soon, its causing me alot of discomfort.

wtf is wrong with me.
first is strange dreams=tired.
next is no matter how much i sleep i am still tired.
now i cant sleep= TIRED + headaches.

my wisdom tooth is aching. ):
and i can feel myself getting sick soon. sigh.
get well soon.

i need strength.
and determination.

shit i need to find some cure to my perpetual fatigue.
no matter how much i sleep i feel damn tired still.
grah.
need to focus.

i need to be more productive.
more.
productive.

if only i could have unlimited energy and time.

Pressure- paramore

Tell me where our time went
And if it was time well spent
Just don't let me fall asleep
Feeling empty again

Cause I fear I might break
and I fear I can't take it
Tonight I'll lie awake feeling empty

I can feel the pressure
It's getting closer now
We're better off without you
I can feel the pressure
It's getting closer now
We're better off without you

Now that I'm losing hope
And there's nothing else to show
For all of the days that we spent
Carried away from home

Some things I'll never know
And I had to let them go
I'm sitting all alone feeling empty

I can feel the pressure
It's getting closer now
We're better off without you
I can feel the pressure
It's getting closer now
We're better off without you

Without you

Some things I'll never know
And I had to let them go
Some things I'll never know
And I had to let them go
I'm sitting all alone feeling empty

I can feel the pressure
It's getting closer now
We're better off without you

Feel the pressure
It's getting closer now
You're better off without me

Reality hits you hard in the face.
merciless, inevitably.
denying you time to recover.
then it rushes to strike you again.
repetitively;
left, right, left, right.
you are left mangled.
you whimper, you cry out for help, you scream in pain.
there is no one out there.

school is tiring as usual.

Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
Someone like me, someone like me

I'm just really, really sick and tired of everything.
everything just seems so surreal.

flailing futilely.
gasping in a vacuum.
clasping onto twigs to climb out of this pit.

"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time; And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more: it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." - Macbeth

what are we after in life?

how appalling can this get.
vehemently in protest.
indignation.

chaos is come again.

okay. once school starts tomorrow I'm going to like die and I can't freaking go out anymore. ):
sucks to be me.

cleaned up my study area yesterday and its really clean now, awesome. (:

playing pool with grand dad and younger cousin proved to be an extremely interesting experience. (((:
my grand dad quite zai man! 2.5 hours. D: but it was really fun! and tiring. :x

why the hell is it raining now. don't want school to reopen. don't want school to reopen. don't want school to reopen!!!

this is such an old song, but i got hooked onto it again. (:
awesome song.
on a side note, i don't feel like going back to school. really.

반대가끌리는이유 (The Reason Opposites Attract) - G.O.D.

두 사람 이렇게 서로 다르지만요
모든 게 완전히 정말 반대지만요
함께 있을 때면 왠지 참 좋은 걸요

잠깐 어쩌면 하는 짓들마다
뭔가 그렇게 삐딱하지 대체 왜일까
남들이 하는 대로 하지 대체 왜 자꾸 저럴까
사람들이 모두 쳐다보는데 불편하지도 않나
신경이 쓰일 텐데 보든 말든 괜찮아
아님 일부러 시선을 끌러
그러면서 속으로는 은근히 즐겨
이렇게 나와 다른 사람이 있었는지
어쩜 머리부터 다리 끝까지 다른 사람이 있을까
정말이지 처음 봤어 그래서 보게 됐지
놀랐어 정말 신기했어
나와 다른 게 그걸 바라보는 게 좋았어
너도 날 바라보면서 그런지 왜 날 바라보지 어

사랑할 것 같아요 우린 서로 너무 다르지만요
사랑은 참 신비로운 거죠
살아가면서 한 번 올까 말까한 그런 사랑인데
다가온 것 같아요 꿈꾸던 모습은 아니지만요
서로를 웃게 만들어주죠
니 곁에 있으면 자꾸만 행복하단 생각이 들죠
사랑할 것 같아요

나는 너를 가만히 보고 있으면 이해가 안가
좋은 길을 놔두고 왜 나쁜 길만 골라서가
도무지 이해하려 해도 너무 나와는 달라
그런데 왜 그런지 너를 바라보고 있는게 좋아
모든 게 나와는 도무지 맞는 부분이 하나도 없는데
너 같은 애들 늘 피하기만 하면서 살았는데
왜 너만은 그렇게 밉거나 싫지가 않은데
너에게 뭔가 이상한게 있는데
반대라서 더 끌리나 나와 다르니까
그게 날 더 사로잡나 처음 본거니까
하나도 맞지가 않아서 매일매일 싸움뿐일 텐데
보고 싶어져 언제나 도대체 이해가 안돼
빠지나 봐 나 조금씩 너에게 내 가슴 뛰는 걸 봐봐
어느새 나 모르게 나의 마음이 열렸어
너를 향해서 망설이지 말고 들어와 어서 반가워

사랑할 것 같아요 우린 서로 너무 다르지만요
사랑은 참 신비로운 거죠
살아가면서 한 번 올까 말까한 그런 사랑인데
다가온 것 같아요 꿈꾸던 모습은 아니지만요
서로를 웃게 만들어주죠
니 곁에 있으면 자꾸만 행복하단 생각이 들죠
사랑할 것 같아요

두 사람 이렇게 서로 다르지만요
모든 게 완전히 정말 반대지만요
함께 있을 때면 왠지 참 좋은 걸요

사랑할 것 같아요 우린 서로 너무 다르지만요
사랑은 참 신비로운 거죠
살아가면서 한 번 올까 말까한 그런 사랑인데
다가온 것 같아요 꿈꾸던 모습은 아니지만요
서로를 웃게 만들어주죠
니 곁에 있으면 자꾸만 행복하단 생각이 들죠
사랑할 것 같아요

translation:

These two people are so different from each other
They are the opposite in every way
But for some reason, when they’re together, it’s so great

Wait, how come everything you do seems to be so odd, why is it?
Why don’t you act like everybody else? Why do you keep acting like that?
Don’t you notice all the people staring, doesn’t it make you uncomfortable?
You must feel self-conscious but you don’t seem to care
Or are you purposely making them stare and then secretly enjoying the attention?
How can there be a person so different from me from head to toe?
This is the first time I’ve met somebody like this
That’s why I kept looking
I was surprised, I was fascinated
You were different from me, I liked looking at you
Is it like that when you look at me? …why are you looking at me too?

I think I might love you, even though we’re so different from each other
Love is magical like that
Because love is a once-in-a-lifetime thing
I think we’ve gotten closer, even though you’re not exactly my dream girl
We make each other smile
When you’re next to me, all I can think is that I’m happy
I think I might love you

Yo, when I watch you, I don’t understand
Why do you pick all the bad paths over the good ones?
I try to understand you but you’re just so different from me
But I don’t know why, I like looking at you
You and I simply have nothing in common
I tried to live my life by avoiding kids like you
But why don’t I dislike or get annoyed by you?
I know that you’re odd
Maybe I like you because you’re the opposite of me
Maybe the novelty is what pulls me in
We’re going to fight everyday because of our differences
But I always miss you, I can’t understand it
I guess I’m falling for you, feel how my heart is racing
Without me realizing, my heart has opened for you
It’s open for you, don’t hesitate to come in
…welcome

I think I might love you, even though we’re so different from each other
Love is magical like that
Because love is a once-in-a-lifetime thing
I think we’ve gotten closer, even though you’re not exactly my dream girl
We make each other smile
When you’re next to me, all I can think is that I’m happy
I think I might love you

These two people are so different from each other
They are the opposite in every way
But for some reason, when they’re together, it’s so great

I think I might love you, even though we’re so different from each other
Love is magical like that
Because love is a once-in-a-lifetime thing
I think we’ve gotten closer, even though you’re not exactly my dream girl
We make each other smile
When you’re next to me, all I can think is that I’m happy
I think I might love you

It feels positively weird not to study- not trying to figure out math, not memorising econs, not analysing lit.
but I'm bored to tears at home. sigh. don't feel like studying just yet.
can't believe it was the first time out yesterday since the end of exams on wednesday. so terrible.
blahh and eunice is still having her exams. ):

and there she sits, contemplating if she should run or face up to it.
confusion. tick.
uncertainty. tock.
indecisiveness. tick.

but time is running, sprinting, never stopping.

indecisiveness. tock.
uncertainty. tick.
confusion. tock.

then.
the world hurls itself at her.
coming down. crushing her out.

wednesday was...
" YES FINALLY IT'S OVER!" -glees-
" Okay guys, I've some news for you."
" For Term four, you have about 3 more weeks left...[etcetc]... So we have decided that we're going to have two-hour Lit lectures at least four times a week."

-WTF. this is an april fool's joke right. wait. it's september...[euphoria evaporates-yes freaking alliteration for emphasis!] WTFFF-

" Yes, at least four times a week and it should be from 5-7pm."

-mental image of self banging head against the wall.-

Why does it seem that our timetables seem to get longer and longer as another term starts? -.-
good luck to me man.

And on a side note, We've something for the class on tuesday and hopefully they'll like it! (:

paracetamol ftw!